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A Big Plate of Nothing

When I was a young hoodlum (pre-coup), I ran with a rough crew. Disgruntled colonels, crime bosses, perverts, amoral businessmen, vicious skid-row legbreakers -- those were the days! Let's just say no one brushed us off at the casino or whorehouse, and leave it at that. One of my compatriots from that glorious time, since retired (permanently), was a conspiratorial army officer who despite his access to illegal funds was as cheap a bastard as has ever saved used teabags. And he had one very annoying habit -- at least I thought it was annoying at the time.

Whenever we'd rumble into a pub or cafe for late-night eats after an evening of uh, pleasure, we would to a man order as much food as our ravenous bellies could hold. All except this fellow. He'd smirk grimly (I can still see it now) and say 'I'll have a glass of water and a big plate of nothing." We'd laugh of course, and tell him what an odd bird he was over mounds of lobster and prime rib. Certainly I never hesitated when tapping my own ill-gotten pile of state funds, which I could access even then. But, as I reflect on my youthful indiscretions, I now concede that he may have had a point. Read on.  

Here's the view I now endorse; when it comes time to go, my son -- a quite lovable bloodthirsty chip of the old block -- gets everything. (See chapter 13 of my book if you want to know more about all things legacy.) Otherwise, no one else should expect anything. I'm not going to pull a Julius Caesar (Suetonious, section 83) and leave you public gardens and a nice envelope of cash.  

What, some of you are saying? What about the poor, loyal citizen who has paid your (numerous) taxes, hidden or otherwise? What about the poor conscript who has died in your illegal wars -- shouldn't he be entitled to some renumeration should you pass on to a better world? As a group, shouldn't your subjects get something back from you, after giving for so long? Didn't they enrich you and your family, and allow you to set up your vast personal fortune-gathering aparatus in the first place?

Let me be clear ... hell NO. Those takers, if you will pardon the expression, have enjoyed the many benefits of my rule for years now, and aren't getting a dime back. Sorry suckers! Maybe you should remember what my friend Augusto Pinochet left the people of Chile in his will. Yes, that's right: a big plate of nothing

One way to be permanently unpopular

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