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Dictator Dislikes: Concessions

I'll be the first to admit I have problems. Pro-democracy agitators are everywhere, my illegal slush fund is tapped out as Q4 approaches, and the damned biased media is suggesting that I'm now past my prime (remind me: why do I pay them in the first place?). I take the long view though and don't let these minor issues inconvenience me. My mistresses will still be on speed dial, the cocktail shaker and yacht are never far away, and I still take 10% off every suckers' income. But, for the sake of argument, assume that I was under attack, harried, pressured by popular forces beyond my control -- and that I'd lost military support. What would I do?

Well, you can be sure I'd never let things get that far to begin with (remember, in my book I say that no matter what happens, you never lose the military); but let's take this hypothetical argument at face value. I might leave the country and establish a government in exile ahead of launching a guerilla war, or fire my entire cabinet of ministers, or repeal the constitution, depending on the situation. Remember, young dictators, there is always a way to regain the advantage, even when the situation seems impossible. What I would NEVER do, under any circumstances, is concede an election, particularly when the results are still fluid.  Just writing that sentence makes me furious; hasn't anyone read Chapter 12, 'Elections'? It's all there, from voter intimidation to nullifying results. 

If you don't believe me, think back to 2011 and my poor friend Hosni Mubarak. Remember his concession speech? The inevitable result was that no one was satisfied. The rabble of democracy will always demand more and more, until you are on the dock. Take my advice, autocrats, and never concede an inch to your enemies. Or else.   

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