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Dick's Tips: Mudslinging

As you might have heard, I recently got back in the dictatorship game after an, uh, unexpected absence. At the moment, the ship of state is once again sailing on a smooth, predictable course, designed by me and me alone! But all work and no play make Rich Tater a dull boy, so I thought, now that the universe is once again in alignment, why not take a trip with the mistress to Palm Beach, as I used to do before my unbroken ascent was rudely interrupted by those ambitious generals (and in case you were wondering, let's just say those ambitions are now permanently curtailed).

So, fire up the Gulfstream jet! Pack the cases of Cristal! We're going to sunny climes!

Before I leave, I thought I would single out some dear colleagues for their use of the the principles I've discussed in my book. Cultivating the near enemy, of course is a staple of the politics of distraction--hey, if my country was disintegrating into an economic hell-hole, then I'd do the same thing. But you can do this in style, too: why just name an enemy when you can name-call as well? That's the kind of subtle difference that separates the men dictators from the boy tyrants.  

Listen up!

Congratulations Nicolas Maduro! Yes, you're only a shadow of your illustrious predecessor, but hey, you need to start somewhere and having your mouthpieces slander the Peruvian president is a good startWhy stop at 'dog' and 'coward' though? Surely you can find more cutting invective than that!

Pro tip: when mudslinging, go the whole hog, don't hold back anything in reserve. Get those pedophilia accusations ready, my friend, and shine up the insinuations of impotency (a favorite). It's the least you can do to make sure no one points out your economy is so shattered that it calls to mind comparisons with wartime devastation. And here's another pro-tip: don't point that out yourself.

Instead, keep up the mudslinging. Dick out.  

you dog and coward!

Image By Valter Campanato/ABr - AgĂȘncia Brasil, CC BY 3.0 br, 

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