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The Resurrection of Generalissimo Richard M. Tater

Surprise!
Well, you shouldn't be. Come on, get those jaws off the floor. Calm down. Have a stiff drink, if you've got one.
Now think about my sudden return to power for more than 10 seconds and you'll come up with a reasonable explanation. Ready? Come on ... 10, 9, 8 ... 3, 2, 1 ... no theories yet? No overly confident explanations (based on 'facts') as to why the people have once again chosen -- and yes, 'chosen' is the word, you horrified democrats out there -- to put their faith, votes, and money behind yours truly?



Propaganda? Nope. A nice try, and though I never say no to good agitprop, that's not what did it. 
Lack of civil society? Eh ... you can do better than that.
Weak legal superstructure? An ugly and opaque phrase -- are you a post-modernist or something? Sure, I had 'legal' challenges, but I know how to deal with them, and strong or weak legal traditions don't really bother me too much.
Generals lost their nerve: well, I admit they had me on the run for a while. They culled my inner circle quite ruthlessly a couple of years ago (wonder where they got that idea?), but I've never met a general I couldn't bribe, have you? Didn't think so. And once they were on the take, picking them off and replacing them with loyalists was easy.
Corrupted the electoral process? Sorry but they didn't need me to do that for them.

Look, if you're searching for an answer to the question 'why' you really don't need to look much past basic human needs. The people want to have a leader. They want to identify with a strong personality that is going to give no quarter. They were tired of the turmoil after I left; a return to 'normalcy' was in the air, and nothing (to them) was as normal as me. I'm more than just the face of the state -- in many ways, I am also the people. What, to them, was a group of elected officials with the collective charisma of lo-mein noodles? Not too damn much. 

People, it has to be said, love Dick. And, in my way, I love them back! 
But if you really want to know why I'm back, you'll have to read on.  


This is the answer you've been searching for ...


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