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You don't want freedom: you want a firm hand



All this whining and crying about independence movements brings a tear to my eye, as I reach for my revolver.  You, son: you don't want independence, you just think you do.  What you really want, as far as I can tell, is for someone powerful and visionary to show you which direction is up.


In short: you need a Dick.


What if you got your independence?  The jackass behind you would probably decide he needs independence too.  Never mind the fact you can't survive on your own.  Never mind the fact you can't wipe your nose and walk at the same time.  They've got the right idea over at Slate.  Check out their map of what Europe would look like if every separatist movement got its way.  Not pretty, I can assure you.


Maybe you should just sit down and shut up.


Actually, know what I should do?  Let you all get your independence, because individually you are all weak and unprotected.  Then I should run roughshod over you like a bunch of slugs crossing a highway.  Because while you're enjoying your newfound independence, I'll be warming up my army to make you my bitches.

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