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WWDD? Unhappiness and Disillusionment

Sir: Hoping you can help me.  My country is poor and getting poorer, the opposition's political sharks are circling, and we're having a hard time keeping the people calm and under control.  Increasingly they're trying to riot, complain, demand things it's impossible to provide them, etc.  How to regain the upper hand?

-- Dictator Smith

Continue reading "WWDD? Unhappiness and Disillusionment"

Spotting a Future Dictator

How to tell whether a youngster is going to grow up to eschew toys and games for the one game that matters? How to tell if the toddler busy crapping his pants at your feet is going to be responsible for a genocide that makes Auschwitz look like a weekend at Disneyworld?

Pay attention to the little signs. This kid, for example, might be worth keeping an eye on.
Rule the World (courtesy of Imgur).

On Humiliation

It's a sad day, dear dictators, when one of our own tumbles from power and, despite his considerable charms, influence, and fortune, endures a deep humiliation. But the Internet needs to be filled with something, so I'm going to write about it, sadness be damned. 

Yes, my old buddy Silvio Berlusconi (a man than knows how to throw a party), is now in free fall, having lost his bid to remain relevant by threatening to bring down the government in Italy. Terrible news -- stabbed in the back by friends, outmaneuvered by leftist ciphers, conviction upheld -- but that's not the worst, not by a long shot. 

I could see going to jail, I could understand that. Hey, better a king behind bars than a schmuck selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door is what I say, and who seriously doubts that my friend Silvio, with his connections and money, would not soon own whatever minimum security prison he was exiled to?

That's why I was incredibly saddened when I heard the news.  

Hey, it's a living?

Continue reading "On Humiliation"

Government Shutdown! (part 2)

I've something else to say about this shutdown troubling the world's leading democracy -- something besides pointing out how much better things are when I make the rules. 

It's this: much as some of you legally elected officials would like to, it's too late to emulate me. You have a constitution (big mistake there), three-branches of government, laws, courts, civil society (maybe not for long), and freedom of speech (big mistake number 2); all those democratic structures aren't going anywhere overnight, so instead of pining for rule by fiat as I'm sure many of you are, be men about it, suck it up, and play by the rules.*   

Besides, when I'm around, there's no room for any other dictators. Take that one to heart.  


*By the way, know why I'd NEVER shut the government down? Because I'm making too much money off it, that's why, suckers! 

Government Shutdown!

Wow: endless partisan bickering, general bureaucratic and administrative dysfunction, cheap politicking, political priority-setting that supercedes the good of the nation.  Demagoguery, brinkmanship, willful imposition of irreparable harm in exchange for short-term political advantage.

I don't have to deal with any of this stuff.  But then again, I don't run a democracy.  Maybe neither should you?

Yeah, I know: "government by the people, for the people."  How's that working out for you?

-- Dick out.