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The Sweet Smell of Revenge

Do you see what these lips are saying?  That's right, people: they are saying "Fuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu."  And dammit, I feel great.  You may have read my article here about getting the last laugh.  But there's one thing I love more than even that: it's serving out a couple of nice, warm helpings of retaliation.  Would you like some 'F U' with that?  Thought so. Continue reading "The Sweet Smell of Revenge"

The Last Laugh

Before I exiled my last tutor, I remember him taking great pains to teach me the best parts of Nietzsche. I don't remember much (I'm the superman embodied, don't forget, high cholesterol notwithstanding, so I don't need to study supermanliness), but one thing I did seize on was this idea of how to survive eternal recurrence; that is, if everything is destined to repeat itself, over and over again, then the only way to live through the endless cycles and prosper is to put morality aside ... get your kicks and do what you want, in other words, because this circle of existence is about as absurd as it gets. 

Well, you might disagree with my philosophical leanings, but one thing you can't argue with is success. I've survived coup after coup, assassination plot after assassination plot, and Western 'sanctions' a-plenty, all the while continuing to do what I do best -- hell, I even wrote a book about it.  

And that's where Hosni Mubarak comes in.

Not for long

Continue reading "The Last Laugh"

On Signs of Weakness

In The Dictator's Handbook, particularly in chapter 2 ('Inimitable You'), we stress that part of the dictatorship game (a major part) is projecting an air of invincibility and unassailable power. In other words, look and act like an all-seeing, all-knowing autocrat, and most of the populace will fall in line -- some out of power worship, others out of fear. Mobutu, Idi Amin, even Hitler, Chaplin mustache and all, projected this kind of lethal power despite physical shortcomings (take it from us, Amin fans, it's a shortcoming if you look like you'd fit nicely in a Santa suit). Then, of course, there is Bashar Assad. 

I know I look foolishj

He certainly looks right on for an accountant at a small midwestern aluminum washer firm, but as a dictator? No uniform, no sunglasses or medals, no epaulets. Worse, the recent reports out of Syria (direct from our forum) -- which claim that the rebels have been able to target his personal convoy -- betray all the tell-tale signs of weakness, the later denials notwithstanding. In a true dictatorship, no one should even think of aiming missiles at your car. 

It's too early to tell, but usually these indications of weakness point toward only one conclusion -- a unpleasant one for any autocrat who lets the mask of power slip.  

Dick's Tips: Keep it in the Family

Sad to say, but my friend Silvio Berlusconi's long public life looks to be about over. Too bad, I always admired his taste in showgirls. 

Time to think about what's next, then, for Silvio. Bring down the government? Been there, done that. A life of debauchery? Ditto. You see, I understand Silvio very well, and one thing I know he's done is read my book. So he knows all about preserving your legacy, and the best way to do that. And if you don't have a son that's ready to carry on in the family business, there's always your daughter.  

A dynasty in the making?

Continue reading "Dick's Tips: Keep it in the Family"

The Checklist

Once in a while, even I have to salute a colleague on a job well done (in the past I've complimented one Silvio Berlusconi, but more on him in a future post). That's what I'm going to do today. Because although the jury is still out on Adbel Fattah al-Sisi, I have to admit that I like what I see, so far. 

The new Chief?

Continue reading "The Checklist"