It's a sad day, dear dictators, when one of our own tumbles from power and, despite his considerable charms, influence, and fortune, endures a deep humiliation. But the Internet needs to be filled with something, so I'm going to write about it, sadness be damned.
Yes, my old buddy Silvio Berlusconi (a man than knows how to throw a party), is now in free fall, having lost his bid to remain relevant by threatening to bring down the government in Italy. Terrible news -- stabbed in the back by friends, outmaneuvered by leftist ciphers, conviction upheld -- but that's not the worst, not by a long shot.
I could see going to jail, I could understand that. Hey, better a king behind bars than a schmuck selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door is what I say, and who seriously doubts that my friend Silvio, with his connections and money, would not soon own whatever minimum security prison he was exiled to?
That's why I was incredibly saddened when I heard the news.
No, when given the choice between house arrest and ... I can't even get the phrase out ... 'community service' ... unbelievably Silvio chose the latter? Why? When this is one of your homes? Like I said, terrible but true:
It means the ultimate humiliation for billionaire media tycoon Berlusconi, 77, who will have to join other convicts in carrying out menial tasks such as cutting the grass in public parks, painting sheltered accommodation or picking up litter.
Ultimate humiliation is right! I get sick just picturing it! Trawling public parks, trash-spear in hand, picking up after drunks and students and the mentally ill ... that's just not your style Silvio! How could you do that, when you have a new fiance many years your junior waiting at home?
Then again, maybe if my girlfriend was threatening a review of my fiances, I'd opt for the fresh air instead. Sad times, Silvio, sad times.