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WWDD? Wife Problems

Dear Sir,

I have a big problem and I need your help; in my country I'm the supreme leader, I've cowed the opposition, the media, foreign diplomats and civil society meddlers ... but I can't control my wife.

Every month she embarrasses me by flying off to a foreign capital to spend my money on shoes, condos, furs ... you name it. This gets in the foreign media and invariably sneaks through my broadband filters, so now the man on the street is mocking me about not being able to keep my wife in line. Even my generals are cracking jokes behind my back (I don't like that at all). Worse, yesterday my wife caught me with 1 of my 5 mistresses and raised holy hell. I can't just get rid of her, can I? Unfortunately I outlawed divorce about 5 years ago and she is a member of an important ethnic bloc, one that I'd like to keep on my good side. What would you do, your excellency?


President Pallerotte



You've got the right attitude (I like the 'Your Excellency' part), but otherwise you don't seem to be very smart ... rule number 1 is READ MY BOOK CAREFULLY, and obviously you haven't done that, or you would have gotten to the part in chapter 2 about keeping your spouse in line. Embarrassment is one thing, but she's inching toward dangerous territory, making you lose face, and that's one thing a real dictator can't afford. You should have put her in her place years ago, my friend, because right now she's probably cuckolding you with one of your generals. 

In fact, I think you're on the worst possible course, because in time she may even ruin your legacy. Don't believe me? Well, consider that Imelda Marcos, Ferdinand's surviving wife, is right now the object of a popular musical. What's missing here? The Dictator of course -- poor Ferdinand must be rolling over in his grave; all his dreams and aspirations for posterity have been overshadowed by Imelda's love of shoes and kitschy pop music. That's some legacy. 

Listen, Pallerotte, it's probably too late for you, but maybe you should rethink your feelings on divorce before your wife's next trip to Paris.

Yours, Rich.  

A two step

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