Fake It Like you Mean It

Let's start with the basics: it looked cool enough to me, and the knuckle-dragging "experts" that seem to manage your operation.  It's got that sleek, killer military look to it, nice sweeping lines, a bunch of pointy guns hanging off it.  All good.  But now I'm getting excoriated by aerospace engineers that you've given me a toy plane incapable of actual flight?

Criminy, of course it doesn't fly.  I don't have the money to pay the kind of engineers that would design something like that.  My currency is devalued, my economy is in freefall, I've got riots forming on all sides, and a hell of a lot of other things to do with my time.  So instead of a team of experts, I've got you.  But fer-cryin-out-loud, can you at least design something that doesn't make a mockery out of me?

Secondly, nice 'in action shots' of this fancy plane in action.  But can you bottom feeders kindly smarten up with the photoshop and keep me out of the press for that too? 

I was expecting to read about myself in TIme Magazine with a headline like "Can the West really face the wrath of Iran?"  Instead, I'm reading about it in Cracked with the title, "4 Works of Propaganda that prove Dictators Suck at Photoshop."

Hey, someone bring me a gin and tonic.  Think you badgers can handle that without fucking it up?  And I want real fucking gin, not a jar of piss with some label you numbnuts photoshopped onto it.