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Tools of the Trade: State of Emergency


You might think that I'm a tireless worker, ever looking to self-innovate or improve relentlessly (how else can you explain my success? I'm good-looking, but not THAT good-looking). Well, if you thought that you'd be wrong. No, the secret of my success really rests on a few well-worn but still useful tactics, tips, and maneuvers.


Take civil unrest, a dictator's worst nightmare. Many of us start looking for the exits when the 'people' take to the piazzas -- many but not all. I'm one of the latter. The reason? Simple -- I know how to handle myself when everything looks to be crumbling around me, and you might too if you follow my sage advice. One of many possible solutions is highlighted in my book: simply declare a state of emergency. 

This seemingly innocuous act accomplishes many things, but perhaps the most important is that it removes any constitutional barriers to a swift, violent crackdown. (Don't laugh, a constitution is nice conversational ice-breaker at cocktail parties and whorehouses.)


First of course you need to make sure that this proviso is in your written constitution. Watch jaws drop when you make your declaration -- It's likely no one has read the fine print, so the shock of sudden, martial law will be stunning to many, and may also serve to quell the hearts of armchair firebrands. They will inevitably stay home and watch YouTube. Which leaves a smaller, more visible opposition out on the streets. And that's exactly where you want them. Then you send in the security forces and sit back and have a martini! Drink fast, the protest will be over with before you know it. Though you might have to extend the state of emergency for the rest of the year, just to make sure.


Don't take my word for it -- you can see this tactic displayed on an almost daily basis. See what's happening in Egypt? That's my boy! President Morsi has obviously learned from the best (that would be me).  

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