Dictator's Handbook Blog

Dictators, Autocrats, Tyrants, Totalitarians, and Strongmen of the World, take note!

We understand: you have problems, concerns, questions, and perhaps incomplete knowledge of how to best apply the tenets of the Dictator's Handbook. Well, fear not, bucko: Richard M. Tater himself will soon be taking - and answering - your questions.

Simply email your questions to rich@dictatorshandbook.net (unless your nation's internet connection has been .. ahem .. recently severed - right, Bashar?) and his Dickness will answer them on this blog. Yes, kind of like "Dear Abby" for the world's most powerful.

A couple of tips when writing Rich:

• When we ask "What would Dick do?" the idea is to discuss the concerns of autocrats. That means how to crush your civil society, eviscerate your political opposition, and your blundering military, not how to cure your herpes sores, lose the extra belly fat your wife dislikes, or explain to your parents that you suck cock.
  
• The appropriate greeting when addressing His Dickness is "Sir."
  
• Keep it short and sweet, Shirley. You think Rich has got time to hear your whole fucking life story? He's got a busy schedule too and is only pausing between executions and the torture chamber long enough to read your email. Cut to the chase, please.
  

The lines are open. Come forth with your questions, you impotent fools.

It's been a tough month for political strongmen as far as the judicial system goes. In some cases, it's catching up; in others it's already caught up.

Of note, we've got former Guatemalan military leader General Efraín Mott, who was found guilty of genocide of the Mayan people during his reign of terror in the 80s. I doubt he was expecting that.

In Iran, current furry strongman Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has been warned by the Constitutional watchdog he may face sanctions over breaking election regulations. I'm sure he wasn't expecting that one. Ahmedinejad is being scolded for having escorted his political protegé, Esfandiar Rahim Mashaei, to to the election registration office - a clear, though illegal, show of support. You know what else Ahmedinejad probably wasn't expecting? The potential sentence, which could include a maximum punishment of six months in jail or 74 lashes. And you can be sure there is more than one in government who'd be pleased to give that bearded wonder a sound spanking.

Europe has little more to gloat about, at least not the Italians, where a prosecutor is maneuvering to ensure ousted Prime Minister Sylvio Belusconi gets up to six years' jail time for having paid for sex with an underage girl. Not clear if he too will be spanked, or by whom.

Got something to say about it? Catch us on the forum.

Are you a dick? Raise your hand if you are. Mr. and Mrs. Ortega, thank you very much. Keep those hands raised.

For the rest of you, here's a hint: If you, in your capacities either as autocrat-of-the-day or autocrat's-spouse-who-essentially-runs-everything have ever contacted a foreign government in order to request they stop funding your daughter's NGO then you can, in fact, say you are a dick. Bonus points: if you have been accused of repeatedly sexually violating said step-daughter, and have pilloried her in the press and elsewhere to make sure her case against you goes untried, then you count double.

Note: elsewhere in this blog, "Dick" usually means "dictator". But in this case in means not just that: it means you are a cock. Read on.

Today's lesson in parallel government comes to us from Nicaragua, courtesy of the Envio academic journal, volume 32, number 380 of March 2013.

Rosario Murillo, Nicaragua's First Lady, is also essentially a minister, as her husband President Daniel Ortega put her at the head of the National Council on Communication and Citizenship in January 2007, shortly after he was "reelected". One of her early inventions was a new political structure called Councils of Citizen's Power (CPCs). They weren't overtly connected to the FSLN political party but were ostensibly to promote civic participation. Who can argue with that? And anyway, the councils were in line with a 1993 Law of Citizen's Participation. The political opposition, still strong in 2007, effectively blocked them from becoming officially-recognized state structures or from being either assigned state functions or administering any part of the national budget. So they instead became the channel for all extra-budgetary funding provided by Venezuela.

The next step happened inexorably. Ortega procured government decision-making powers the law denied them by granting the CPCs plurality of seats in the National Economic and Social Planning Council (CONPES), which had been created in 2001 to encourage citizen participation in decision making. He then put his wife Murillo at the head of CONPES, which immediately stopped meeting and basically ceased to exist. Meanwhile, the CPCs gained in strength, voice, and resources and became clearly the more powerful voice. And now they became more overtly tied to the FSLN party. The FSLN party became reorganized around them, and their power grew as their administrations decided who would receive the various benefit packages provided by Venezuelan largesse. Political endorsements required for anything from getting a job, study grant, license, extension of some deadline, identity card, party membership card, or even medicine flew strictly through the CPCs, tying important administrative requirements to executive power.

Job done!